Parenting: The Challenge

I always knew I wanted to get married and have a family. Even though my parents were divorced, there was still something about the idea of partnering with someone for life that really appealed to me.  I went to college and studied Psychology.  I learned about parenting young children and child development.  But I never met anyone remotely capable of being my partner.  So, when I graduated I began to think maybe there wasn’t someone out there for me.

Enter Kent. I met him at a club of all places. First thing he did was pull a picture of three kids out of his wallet.  Damn! Kids and he was only in his early 20’s.  That really put me off.  I watched my stepmother stick by my father while he was drinking in the hopes that they would have their own family.  It never happened.  I always vowed that I would not be put in the position of having to choose between my husband and my dream of a family. So he was scratched off the list before I really even got to know him.  Then my roommate and I moved into a house and needed a roommate.

Kent offered to help us move and really loved the house.  He was ready to move in. My roomie and I discussed the weirdness of having kids around but ultimately decided to try it. His kids were great.  They were only there every other weekend so it wasn’t that big of a deal….until Kent and I started acting like more than just friends. It didn’t take long until we were actually dating, although he was still a roommate.  And as time went on we moved out of that house and into a home of our own.  That’s when it became apparent to me that this was a man with a family already.  Every weekend in the fall there was soccer. Every other weekend the kids stayed with us.  They needed food and clean clothes. Kent was more than happy to let me handle these things, but that was all.  He wanted to be in charge of when he saw the kids, what we did and how we did it.  I realized that in order to be with Kent, I had to choose the kids as well.  If I tried to make him choose between me and them, he would choose them.  So I had to start making those kids as important to me as Kent.  I attended all the soccer games; I talked to Kent about the schedule and the plans.  It was hard at first for Kent to let me in but eventually he did and we were able to create quite a little family.  But it really took me, choosing to be a part of the family that created the opening for us to move the relationship forward.  You can choose who you marry, but it’s rare that you can choose your family as well.