Parenting: The Challenge

I always knew I wanted kids.  I come from a family of girls: sister, mother, aunts, all female cousins and even my grandmother was one of 3 girls.  So naturally I figured that I would have a girl.  My husband and I picked a boy name and a girl name just in case.  So, it was really a shocker when the revealed we were having a boy. What?  That was not what I was expecting.  I realized that I really wasn’t disappointed, but I didn’t know what to do with a boy.  Boy clothes, sports, trains and toy cars.  These were not my thing.  And boys are dirty and rambunctious and loud.  But I vowed I could raise the man that we would be proud of.

Well, my son turned out to be both everything I’d dreamed and everything I was afraid of.  He’s smart, funny, clever, handsome, obnoxious, defiant and mischievous.  As much as we connect, we butt heads just as often.  His energetic behavior began to be a problem in first grade.  The teacher often sent home notes that he was disruptive or that he had poor impulse control.  It wasn’t unexpected, but I felt my son wasn’t really that much more over the top than the other boys.  Shoving in line?  They’re six.  Come on.  He was super smart and passed all the district assessments with 95% or higher.  Was he bored?  Was the teacher too sensitive?  This seemed likely as she was a third grade teacher who moved into a first grade classroom after only 6 weeks of school.  But I didn’t want to be “that parent” who never believes it is their child’s bad behavior that is causing issues at school.

After a tumultuous year, I was relieved to have him move on to Second Grade.  What a difference.  My son, who had behavior reports sent home weekly, was NOT a problem.  In the spring of that year, he even won his first citizenship award for good behavior!  Now, I know my son, and while his behavior was improving at school, he was pretty much maintaining the bar at home.  So why this change?  As I suspected in first grade, it had everything to do with the teacher.  Mary was wonderful at getting my son to cooperate.  Instead of punishing him for his inquisitive and disruptive nature, she harnessed that energy and allowed him to use it in a positive manner.  Instead of a yellow card for disrupting, she put him in charge of monitoring the class when they had group sessions.  It was his job to notice poor behavior and let her know. As a result, he became more focused on his own behavior as well.  Instead of letting him sit idle when his work was finished, she asked him to be a mentor and help his neighbors who were having trouble with the assignment.  I couldn’t believe the difference in my son’s attitude in the classroom and at school as a whole. It was such a simple thing to do; re-directing his energy into something positive.

It takes a dedicated teacher to think outside of the box to improve behavior rather than responding negatively to the child.  As his behavior improved, we discussed her thoughts and how we could continue this transition at home.  It felt great as a parent to feel like I had a partner in helping my son learn some self control.  Now, my son is still very much a boy who is loud and obnoxious.  But it is easier now to see how those qualities can actually be positive.  Boisterous and energetic sound so much better, don’t they?