Parenting: The Challenge

Need help to avoid the power struggles when you and your children are on different sides of an issue like computer use, telephone use or TV watching?

Computers and the internet are here to stay. As with most things there are great benefits and there are negatives, particularly where your children are concerned. Just like when you were a kid, your parents most likely had rules about using the phone. Mine certainly did. I had limits on how long I could talk and no talking on the phone at dinnertime.

How old should a child be to use the computer?
I can’t think of any reason a child under the age of 4 needs to spend anytime on a computer. There are more important skills to learn than spending time with passive things like computers and TV. The concern is that a child needs playtime and socialization time. He needs to learn to interact with real people in real situations where his behavior has real impact. In parenting young children, solo computer use should be occasional. If a parent interacts with the child while on the computer, that would be optimal.

Computers and school age children
Clearly the computer is a tool for education. The internet is full of information on just about anything. It is that statement which also makes the internet potentially dangerous. Setting parental controls and monitoring your child’s computer use is a must. One of the best ways to do this is to have a family computer center. I would not let children have their own computers in their rooms. You may never see them again! As a family have a discussion and make clear agreements about computer and internet use. Things like homework have priority, chatting with friends is limited, etc. There should be consequences applied for misuse. Having consequences that are clearly defined and more importantly enforced can make this area of family life less stressful.

Computer Use and Setting Limits
Parents often have trouble setting limits on computer and internet use. Hearing the phrase “everyone else is doing it” combined with whining and begging can wear down even the most well meaning parent. The parenting style parents have can either contribute to or minimize these power struggles over computer use. Parents need to have the staying power to enforce the rules no matter how much the child complains. When parents are clear and stand behind what they say and do not give in, the children will quickly know they have met their match. If you find yourself in power struggles with your children around things like computer use, chores, curfews, homework, etc. an online parenting class which teaches effective parenting skills may be something to consider.