Parenting: The Challenge » Uncategorized http://www.parentingthechallenge.com Wed, 21 Sep 2011 17:00:19 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 When You Marry a Family http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/when-you-marry-a-family.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/when-you-marry-a-family.htm#comments Mon, 06 Jun 2011 14:05:00 +0000 theresa http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=214 I always knew I wanted to get married and have a family. Even though my parents were divorced, there was still something about the idea of partnering with someone for life that really appealed to me.  I went to college and studied Psychology.  I learned about parenting young children and child development.  But I never met anyone remotely capable of being my partner.  So, when I graduated I began to think maybe there wasn’t someone out there for me.

Enter Kent. I met him at a club of all places. First thing he did was pull a picture of three kids out of his wallet.  Damn! Kids and he was only in his early 20’s.  That really put me off.  I watched my stepmother stick by my father while he was drinking in the hopes that they would have their own family.  It never happened.  I always vowed that I would not be put in the position of having to choose between my husband and my dream of a family. So he was scratched off the list before I really even got to know him.  Then my roommate and I moved into a house and needed a roommate.

Kent offered to help us move and really loved the house.  He was ready to move in. My roomie and I discussed the weirdness of having kids around but ultimately decided to try it. His kids were great.  They were only there every other weekend so it wasn’t that big of a deal….until Kent and I started acting like more than just friends. It didn’t take long until we were actually dating, although he was still a roommate.  And as time went on we moved out of that house and into a home of our own.  That’s when it became apparent to me that this was a man with a family already.  Every weekend in the fall there was soccer. Every other weekend the kids stayed with us.  They needed food and clean clothes. Kent was more than happy to let me handle these things, but that was all.  He wanted to be in charge of when he saw the kids, what we did and how we did it.  I realized that in order to be with Kent, I had to choose the kids as well.  If I tried to make him choose between me and them, he would choose them.  So I had to start making those kids as important to me as Kent.  I attended all the soccer games; I talked to Kent about the schedule and the plans.  It was hard at first for Kent to let me in but eventually he did and we were able to create quite a little family.  But it really took me, choosing to be a part of the family that created the opening for us to move the relationship forward.  You can choose who you marry, but it’s rare that you can choose your family as well.

 

 

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]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/spanking-where-do-you-stand.htm/feed 0 How to Handle a Friend’s or Relatives Differing Parenting Style http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-handle-a-friends-or-relatives-differing-parenting-style.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-handle-a-friends-or-relatives-differing-parenting-style.htm#comments Tue, 15 Jun 2010 22:38:30 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=162 Not everyone has the same parenting style and there will be times when your child may spend time with someone that parents differently than you do. If their style is radically different from how you parent how do you handle that? The best thing to do is to speak up about the things that are really important to you.  Occasionally  your rules can be bent if they are not endangering your child, like a later bed time. When it comes to discipline be clear with whoever will be in charge so that there are no misunderstandings about what you’re ok with and what you’re not ok with. If you have good relationships with your friends and family they will respect your choices and you will respect theirs just be cautious if a huge issue arrises.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-handle-a-friends-or-relatives-differing-parenting-style.htm/feed 0 Take Your Children to the Park and Leave Them http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/take-your-children-to-the-park-and-leave-them.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/take-your-children-to-the-park-and-leave-them.htm#comments Tue, 01 Jun 2010 21:42:35 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=158 This is the suggestion from the “radical free-range” mother Lenore Skenazy. She believes that is your child is at least 7 years old they can be left at the park for an hour or 10 minutes, whatever you can handle, so that they can meet and play with other children. This is one of the ways she gives her child more independence. Parents think the world is more dangerous than when we ourselves were children. When we were children we could ride our bikes and play with the neighbors until dark. I agree that children need to learn to take care of themselves and be allowed to do so, that doesn’t make you a bad parent. Parents just need to get through the social pressure of how you should parent.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/take-your-children-to-the-park-and-leave-them.htm/feed 0 Parents Need “Adult” Time http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/parents-need-adult-time.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/parents-need-adult-time.htm#comments Tue, 18 May 2010 21:07:32 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/parents-need-adult-time.htm It’s great for parents to have other parents to talk to about parenthood and their children. There is a valuable understanding that is very helpful when you go through the journey of raising a family. However it is also very important to discuss things outside the realm of parenting. Don’t feel guilty talking about things that are not related to your children, like you are not allowed to speak of your life before kids. Yes your role in life may have changed, but you are still someone besides “mom” and it’s great to be able to relate to people on other levels. Every parent needs a break at some point from talking about their kids and asking questions and getting advice, but for your own mental well-being choose a different topic of conversation.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/parents-need-adult-time.htm/feed 0 Can Sleep Training Cause Brain Damage? http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/can-sleep-training-cause-brain-damage.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/can-sleep-training-cause-brain-damage.htm#comments Tue, 04 May 2010 21:50:28 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=153 I recently read an article about a new book that came out discussing how sleep training can damage babies’ brains.  In her book, “The Essential First Year,” by Penelope Leach she says that letting your baby cry for prolonged periods of time can put them at risk to brain damage. She says that long, hard crying brings on stress and releases the “stress hormone” cortisol. Too much cortisol can cause damage to their brains. Apparently there are no real claims to this as Leach has not revealed any of her sources to back up the evidence to support her argument. I did sleep training with my son and though it was very hard. We never had him crying longer than 45 minutes and it was never so hysterical that I believed he was not under any harm. It worked well for us and he is now a great sleeper for the most part. I could see that leaving your baby to cry hysterically for long periods can cause a great deal of stress on your baby and I would not recommend it. Every child is different and parents need to figure out what they are willing to put up with and be comfortable with whatever approach they decide to take.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/can-sleep-training-cause-brain-damage.htm/feed 0 Transitioning Your Toddler into a Big Bed http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/transitioning-your-toddler-into-a-big-bed.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/transitioning-your-toddler-into-a-big-bed.htm#comments Tue, 06 Apr 2010 20:44:51 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=146 There are many different times that parents decide to transition their toddler into a big bed, potty training, tired of picking them in and out of the crib or maybe they have a second child that will be using the crib. It can be a challenge making the transition a smooth one. Get your child involved by taking them to get the new bed and how they are so big now and get to sleep in a big kid bed. Have them help you make the bed and put their favorite stuffed animals and pillows on it. You may find that the nap/bed time routine becomes disrupted, they can now get out of bed on their own! If you don’t have one already, create a routine to follow before it’s time for bed.  Make sure their needs are met before getting them into bed, the glass of water, the night light turned on and their favorite toy in bed with them. if they come out of their room, take their hand and lead them back to their room. It may take some time, but eventually they will understand that they need to stay in their bed when it’s time for to go to sleep.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/transitioning-your-toddler-into-a-big-bed.htm/feed 0 Do You Make Your Child Hug? http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/do-you-make-your-child-hug.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/do-you-make-your-child-hug.htm#comments Wed, 31 Mar 2010 22:44:41 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=144 It’s cute when you see children hugging their friends and when they hug family members. It’s is not cute when you force your children to hug someone, especially an adult. I am a pretty affectionate person and I always like to hug and kiss my son. However, I think it’s important to be respectful of their choice if they do not want to hug someone and let them know it’s ok if they don’t want to.  You want to be in touch with your child’s temperament and go with what they are comfortable with. It’s a good idea to teach them to be polite to say hello, to shake hands and be respectful to adult. You don’t ever want to make them feel bad or uncomfortable if they do not want to hug your friends or other family members.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/do-you-make-your-child-hug.htm/feed 0 Things You Should Not Say to Your Kids http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/things-you-should-not-say-to-your-kids.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/things-you-should-not-say-to-your-kids.htm#comments Tue, 23 Mar 2010 22:20:29 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=142 Words can be very powerful things and they can carry a lot more weight and impact than we realize, so as parents we need to choose our words carefully. There are words you should never say to your children. The “F” word is not a good one to be throwing around, it’s not a very nice word, nor would it be good for them to hear and use on the playground or at school. “Shut up” os another one that is not appropriate and it’s insensitive. Using “or else” is just an idle threat. Children should know why and should respect what we say without a dangling threat. Yelling and screaming are not a good way to handle a situation, it also does not give them the sense that we are an adult and in control. Try to remain calm when dealing with situation that may be out of control. Don’t lie to your kids, honesty and trust are important in any relationship. You can’t teach your kids this if they catch you in a lie. These things can make a big difference in how your children to learn to respect others.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/things-you-should-not-say-to-your-kids.htm/feed 0 Helping Your Child With Homework http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/helping-your-child-with-homework.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/helping-your-child-with-homework.htm#comments Thu, 18 Mar 2010 22:20:25 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=140 If your child is overwhelmed by his or her homework, have no fear, you can learn a few steps to help create the right balance. Talk to the teachers and ask how much parental involvement there should be. Make sure you understand what his or her definition of homework is. Find out if the material is being taught in class and if there is extra support available during class. Find an optimal time for getting homework done, some kids are better in the evening or the morning. Make a schedule so it’s agreed about when homework time is. If it is too challenging and you are finding it hard to help them yourself look into some outside help. Libraries and web sites offer tutoring. Keep a positive attitude, you don’t want to add to the stress you want to help with coping.

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