Many states now require divorcing parents to take a class on co-parenting.  To some it may feel like overkill.  The divorce is bad enough but now parenting classes?  Take heart, now many Co-parenting Through Divorce classes are available on line.  It could be a valuable experience if you are willing to open your mind and heart to the skills the class is teaching. While the hurt and angry feelings of a divorce take time to heal, there are very simple things you can do to make the transition easier for you, but especially for your kids.

First and foremost, you have to understand that you and your spouse have issues with communication.  If you are divorcing, it should be obvious to you that you have problems talking to your spouse and resolving issues.  This does not disappear when you divorce, and it can be accentuated by the separation.  When my husband and his ex-wife got started, you’d think it was world war III, and they had been divorced for over 3 years! 

Some mediators suggest you adopt a no contact form of communication.  This means that you do not talk to your ex about anything involving the relationship, custody or the divorce.  Even when exchanging the kids, you do not engage in verbal communications about custody or the divorce.  This keeps the hurt and anger from being expressed inappropriately in front of your children.  Now, don’t take this too far, you should exchange pleasantries, and chit chat about your children.  Remember to be calm and courteous. School, sports and upcoming children’s events can be a safe place to start.

For all required interactions, try written communication such as email, letters, or texts.  This will give you time plan your words and review your feelings.  On paper you can maintain a courteous nature even though you might be feeling angry or hurt inside.  Also remember your ex is still your child’s parent and they deserve to be respected as the co-parent of your children.  This is so important because children look to you to model behavior.  They can read your anger and anxiety in your tone and body language, not just in your words. 

Emotional damage from parental conflict as been documented in children of all ages.  Do your best to minimize this damage by keeping the kids in the forefront of your mind.  It’s not about what is best for you or for your ex.  It’s about what is best for your children.  Remembering this will keep you on the right track in your dealings with your ex.