Parenting: The Challenge » Parenting Skills http://www.parentingthechallenge.com Wed, 21 Sep 2011 17:00:19 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 Bickering Kids http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/bickering-kids.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/bickering-kids.htm#comments Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:59:27 +0000 theresa http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=233
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Ugh!! Bickering kids. It’s my one of my biggest pet peeves. Disrespectful words, the arguing, yelling and cries of “ MOMMMY!!” Now that its summer, my fuse is so short that even the hint of a whine can set me off. I know they get tired of each other, when you live with anyone sometimes you just need a break. But I am at a loss on how to get them to cooperate rather than yell at each other. Sometimes I can’t figure out how to be a respectful and effective parent. When I am respectful, sometimes I feel like I am not all that effective with these bickering matches. They say OK and leave the room to continue with the bickering. When I get angry I feel like I am more effective, but it doesn’t feel very respectful.  They usually stop the behavior, but often they didn’t make a choice to get along. They were forced to.

So what do you do? Well, I must admit that I have learned some skills through online parenting classes. It’s putting them to good use that is the problem. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, I just lose it. But keeping myself under control is the first part of the solution. Kids model their parents’ behavior. When I get angry I am teaching them how to pop a fuse rather than how to control themselves. That contributes greatly to their own squabbles. Next you need to use your words. Don’t we always tell our kids that? But it goes the same for us as parents. “Please stop doing that” is much more effective than “STOP IT!!” Model good behavior. Ask what is happening; give them a chance to speak without being angry and accusatory. This will teach them how to moderate their own discussions. Finally, don’t be the problem solver; suggest ways for them to work it out. Give them the opportunity. If they can’t do it themselves, then it might be time to get involved.

It’s also important to realize that you aren’t a referee. Often times I will simply tell them to work it out. I try only to get involved when the get mean and hurt each other’s feelings or when they are getting physical. We do not hit in our family and I always expect that rule to be followed.

Bickering is a part of growing up. It is how we learn to be in the world, but it is not fun to listen to. Guess I need to give myself a time out when I get too annoyed to control my own behavior. That too, would be modeling good behavior for them.

 

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/bickering-kids.htm/feed 0 Why Should I Take a Parenting Class? http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/why-should-i-take-a-parenting-class.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/why-should-i-take-a-parenting-class.htm#comments Wed, 18 May 2011 16:42:31 +0000 theresa http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=201 Our society is changing rapidly.  How many of us have looked out at the world and thought “these kids today….” But really, how about these kids today?  So many kids are disrespectful, out of control and in trouble.  It seems like many parents don’t really want to do the work it takes to be a parent.  Parents are held accountable for their children’s behavior by schools, other parents and even in the courts.  Court ordered parenting classes are now the norm rather than the exception.  But do these parenting classes actually work?  Are they actually encouraging respectful parenting or are they creating angry resentful parents who feel like they are forced into action?

Several studies have looked into this issue.  The results, while mixed, definitely show a trend.  The first findings noted that parents who wanted help with their parenting style showed substantially more positive results from their classes.  Parents who had no interest in help showed some positive results, but not on the level of those seeking help. The study concluded that this had to do with the angry and resentful feelings the parents forced to enroll brought into their class.  Class facilitators were encouraged to deal with these feelings in an appropriate but direct way in order to reach the parents and get them involved in the class.

Additional studies showed that even when parents were not enthusiastic about the classes, children still benefited.  Reports of abuse and neglect were reduced in families where parents attended a parenting course. Home visits confirmed that parents were spending more time with their children and having more discussions about the family rules and expectations.  All these results create a better home environment for the children.  It has been shown that those individuals who are the most disturbed later in life had a difficult childhood.

So it seems that parents can really benefit from taking some kind of class.  Perhaps we should encourage young parents to reach out and ask for help, before things get out of hand. Parenting is such an individual experience.  Most people rely almost exclusively on their own experiences as children in deciding how they will parent.  Many may not realize there is another way.  Perhaps parenting classes should be marketed the way Lamaze or birthing classes are offered to expecting parents.  At least then there might be more interest and enrollment will certainly follow. This really would benefit not just those parents and their families, but society at large as well.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/why-should-i-take-a-parenting-class.htm/feed 0 How to Talk to Your Children http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-talk-to-your-children.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-talk-to-your-children.htm#comments Tue, 12 Jan 2010 18:18:18 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/?p=101 The words you use to speak to your children and discipline them are very important. You want to be able to be a nurturing, teaching parent and not shame them and influence a low self-esteem. More than you know, children pay attention to what you say to them and how you say it. Make sure you use positive words for discipline and praise like “you can”, “do your best”, or you can behave in a better way”. Using words like this can instill confidence and empower them to be the person they want to be.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-talk-to-your-children.htm/feed 0 How to Get Things Done with a Toddler http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-get-things-done-with-a-toddler.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-get-things-done-with-a-toddler.htm#comments Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:25:32 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-get-things-done-with-a-toddler.htm Toddlers take up so much of your time, with the feeding, changing, teaching, and playing it can be hard to get things done like house cleaning or work. Make the most of their nap time in order to achieve these chores. You will also want to take this tim for some relaxation for yourself as well which is important so you can re-energize for when your toddler is up! If your child no longer takes naps you can enforce “quiet time” have them stay in their room or somewhere where they cane play quietly with books and toys, letting them know that they will need to occupy their time alone for a little while. It’s important for children to learn to play alone at times. Sometimes you may even get them involved to help you with house chores or running errands, try to make it fun and allow them to bring a toy for the journey.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/how-to-get-things-done-with-a-toddler.htm/feed 0 Balancing Parenting and Housework http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/balancing-parenting-and-housework.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/balancing-parenting-and-housework.htm#comments Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:18:12 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/balancing-parenting-and-housework.htm It can be tough to get all the house chores done where you’re juggling children at the same time. It doesn’t have to be a complete nightmare. First letting go of perfection will be a huge help. if you like things to be just so, no one else will want to help you, you’ll have to do it all. let your children help you with the chores and be patient and forgiving of their work. They may even find it fun. You’re also teaching them a good work ethic that they will use as adults. Some task may have to be done by an adult and they may need to wait for your attention which is fine. They need to know they are not the center of the universe. Enforcing quiet time is a good way for them to learn to play alone and for you to get some things done. There will be times when you’ll need to let go of the agendas you have set and spend time with your kids that’s the most important.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/balancing-parenting-and-housework.htm/feed 0 Dining Out With the Kids http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/dining-out-with-the-kids.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/dining-out-with-the-kids.htm#comments Tue, 01 Sep 2009 19:05:10 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/dining-out-with-the-kids.htm It’s possible for families to avoid chaos during an evening out to eat but following a few guidelines. Schedule the outing around your child’s own schedule. It’s not advised to go if they’ve missed a nap or it’s close to nap time. Consider the type of environment you’ll be in, is it noisy? Is it kid-friendly? Prepare them before getting to the location, that they will need to stay seated at the table during the meal. Include them into the conversation at the table. Bring a bag of things for them to do in case they get bored, like washable markers, small books, stickers and some snacks in case they don’t like the food being served. Also acknowledge their good behavior and let them know how much you enjoyed spending the time with them.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/dining-out-with-the-kids.htm/feed 0 Keeping Your Children Safe on the Internet http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/keeping-your-children-safe-on-the-internet.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/keeping-your-children-safe-on-the-internet.htm#comments Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:05:20 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/keeping-your-children-safe-on-the-internet.htm The internet is something my parents never had to worry about when I was growing up. Now that I have my own child I try and find good ways for him to be safe while using it. My son is only two but already he knows how to use the computer and the ipod touch. I would advise against letting your kids have a computer in their room, keep it in a central location. Monitor the time they have on it. If you’re worried about them accessing certain sites, set up parental blocks so they can only go where you specify. Talk to your kids about what sites they like and what they want to do on the internet. Online safety is very important and needs to be taken seriously.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/keeping-your-children-safe-on-the-internet.htm/feed 0 Teasing Kids Can be a Helpful Parenting Skill http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/teasing-kids-can-be-a-helpful-parenting-skill.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/teasing-kids-can-be-a-helpful-parenting-skill.htm#comments Tue, 28 Apr 2009 18:54:40 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/teasing-kids-can-be-a-helpful-parenting-skill.htm There is new research that suggests fathers that are able to be a kid once in a while is a good thing. Teasing children in good fun while playing games can actually teach how to show affection and deal with conflict. It could be a video game and playful wrestling. As long as it’s good-humored fun and they can identify when the teasing turns to bullying. This type of teasing play can benefit their social, physical and intellectual development.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/teasing-kids-can-be-a-helpful-parenting-skill.htm/feed 0 Support Your Child’s Potential http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/support-your-childs-potential.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/support-your-childs-potential.htm#comments Fri, 24 Apr 2009 20:54:14 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/support-your-childs-potential.htm This a great article about how to nurture your child’s potential. It is the parents responsibility to to provide an environment for empowering their children to become all that they can be. This article provides five ways to do this. Assurance, encourage, challenge, equip, and trust. Children need to be assured that you believe in them and need encouragement about their strengths and talents. It is important to challenge them and help them reach their potential. Parents need teach them the skills that they will need to achieve that they want to be. Make them understand that they will make mistakes, but that they will learn from them and apply them to their next endeavor.

]]> http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/support-your-childs-potential.htm/feed 0 When Children Ask Difficult Questions http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/when-children-ask-difficult-questions.htm http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/when-children-ask-difficult-questions.htm#comments Mon, 23 Mar 2009 19:43:09 +0000 admin http://www.parentingthechallenge.com/when-children-ask-difficult-questions.htm When your child gets to the age where s/he questions everything, it can’t be difficult to give them an answer, especially if you are not prepared! How do you deal with this? Children are naturally curious about the world and look to you their parent for guidance. Be as honest with them as you can, don’t lie to them. They are more likely to come to you as they grow older if you are honest with them from the beginning. You don’t need to explain a long drawn out answer, just keep it simple and to the point. If you don’t know the answer to their questions, tell them so and have them help you find the answer together.

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