Bickering Kids
September 16th, 2011 by theresa
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Ugh!! Bickering kids. It’s my one of my biggest pet peeves. Disrespectful words, the arguing, yelling and cries of “ MOMMMY!!” Now that its summer, my fuse is so short that even the hint of a whine can set me off. I know they get tired of each other, when you live with anyone sometimes you just need a break. But I am at a loss on how to get them to cooperate rather than yell at each other. Sometimes I can’t figure out how to be a respectful and effective parent. When I am respectful, sometimes I feel like I am not all that effective with these bickering matches. They say OK and leave the room to continue with the bickering. When I get angry I feel like I am more effective, but it doesn’t feel very respectful. They usually stop the behavior, but often they didn’t make a choice to get along. They were forced to.
So what do you do? Well, I must admit that I have learned some skills through online parenting classes. It’s putting them to good use that is the problem. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, I just lose it. But keeping myself under control is the first part of the solution. Kids model their parents’ behavior. When I get angry I am teaching them how to pop a fuse rather than how to control themselves. That contributes greatly to their own squabbles. Next you need to use your words. Don’t we always tell our kids that? But it goes the same for us as parents. “Please stop doing that” is much more effective than “STOP IT!!” Model good behavior. Ask what is happening; give them a chance to speak without being angry and accusatory. This will teach them how to moderate their own discussions. Finally, don’t be the problem solver; suggest ways for them to work it out. Give them the opportunity. If they can’t do it themselves, then it might be time to get involved.
It’s also important to realize that you aren’t a referee. Often times I will simply tell them to work it out. I try only to get involved when the get mean and hurt each other’s feelings or when they are getting physical. We do not hit in our family and I always expect that rule to be followed.
Bickering is a part of growing up. It is how we learn to be in the world, but it is not fun to listen to. Guess I need to give myself a time out when I get too annoyed to control my own behavior. That too, would be modeling good behavior for them.